Always Be Mine

Could you always be mine?

I mean, promise me we’ll grow old together drinking cooling coffee as we watch the 6 p.m. news, as we slowly nod off to sleep.

Not in a, let’s get married and walk on the boardwalk way, but a let’s travel to foreign countries and get so lost we think we’ll never get home way.

Promise me that I can knock on your door at 4 a.m. when my insides are out and my outsides are in and you are wiping the sleep from your tired eyes and we just look at each other and things will seem infinitely better.

I can promise that I will always be yours.

I will make you soup with extra noodles when your throat tickles, and sing to you 90’s pop songs when you are feeling down.

And we can run laps in the rain, and make midnight beer runs.

But I need to know that our duo will never truly die.

You can bring your plus one to my successes and I’ll bring mine to yours.

But can you promise to always be mine?

And we can be neighbors and sit on water damaged porches as our kids chase each other around, and mash dirt and leaves together in a watery soup.

And we’ll play card games like bridge, and you’ll win.

I can make cheesecake bites and you’ll wink at me because I put a couple extra raspberries on yours.

But I don’t want you all to myself.

I couldn’t handle how messy you are, or how you have to grab my shoulders and stare my in the eye every time you have something important to say.

You tend to leave the toilet seat up; and your wet socks on the floor.

I’ve never been a fan of the way you alphabetize all the spices, and organize all of your checks by date.

You’ve never liked how I enjoy shouting Celtic Women in the shower, or my tendency to leave cream cheese on the counter after making shortbread cookies.

You need someone else to balance all of your quirks.

I need someone else to fill the cracks in the broken part of me.  

But I will always be yours, if you’ll always be mine.

I want you to be the manliest maid of honor, and shake me when I am refusing to put on a thousand dollar dress so I can spend that I may spend rest of my life with someone who makes me happy. And I’ll fight the chance, for I’m weak,

I’m scared,

But you’re there. And you’ve seen me in my darkest moments,

And you know that this time,

This scary is nothing.

I hope you want me there to walk in and help you fix your tie which you have knotted in nerves

– and we’ll laugh at how our lives have changed and I will probably cry

and you’ll just look at me and shake your head and tell me that I look ridiculous with makeup running races down my face.

We’ll hug, and that’ll be the end of a chapter.

I want nothing more to be your bitch bank, your best friend, your mother, your little sister.

If you’ll be my pillow pet, space heater, older brother, and BFFL

Because I’ll always be yours, if you’ll always be mine. 

Always Be Mine

Could you always be mine?

I mean, promise me we’ll grow old together drinking cooling coffee as we watch the 6 p.m. news, as we slowly nod off to sleep.

Not in a, let’s get married and walk on the boardwalk way, but a let’s travel to foreign countries and get so lost we think we’ll never get home way.

Promise me that I can knock on your door at 4 a.m. when my insides are out and my outsides are in and you are wiping the sleep from your tired eyes and we just look at each other and things will seem infinitely better.

I can promise that I will always be yours.

I will make you soup with extra noodles when your throat tickles, and sing to you 90’s pop songs when you are feeling down.

And we can run laps in the rain, and make midnight beer runs.

But I need to know that our duo will never truly die.

You can bring your plus one to my successes and I’ll bring mine to yours.

But can you promise to always be mine?

And we can be neighbors and sit on water damaged porches as our kids chase each other around, and mash dirt and leaves together in a watery soup.

And we’ll play card games like bridge, and you’ll win.

I can make cheesecake bites and you’ll wink at me because I put a couple extra raspberries on yours.

But I don’t want you all to myself.

I couldn’t handle how messy you are, or how you have to grab my shoulders and stare my in the eye every time you have something important to say.

You tend to leave the toilet seat up; and your wet socks on the floor.

I’ve never been a fan of the way you alphabetize all the spices, and organize all of your checks by date.

You’ve never liked how I enjoy shouting Celtic Women in the shower, or my tendency to leave cream cheese on the counter after making shortbread cookies.

You need someone else to balance all of your quirks.

I need someone else to fill the cracks in the broken part of me.  

But I will always be yours, if you’ll always be mine.

I want you to be the manliest maid of honor, and shake me when I am refusing to put on a thousand dollar dress so I can spend that I may spend rest of my life with someone who makes me happy. And I’ll fight the chance, for I’m weak,

I’m scared,

But you’re there. And you’ve seen me in my darkest moments,

And you know that this time,

This scary is nothing.

I hope you want me there to walk in and help you fix your tie which you have knotted in nerves

– and we’ll laugh at how our lives have changed and I will probably cry

and you’ll just look at me and shake your head and tell me that I look ridiculous with makeup running races down my face.

We’ll hug, and that’ll be the end of a chapter.

I want nothing more to be your bitch bank, your best friend, your mother, your little sister.

If you’ll be my pillow pet, space heater, older brother, and BFFL

Because I’ll always be yours, if you’ll always be mine. 

What What DUB DUB YOU

Have you ever spun in circles and then collapsed on your back and stared at the sky?

That’s how college feels. It freeing and dizzying and sickening (seriously. I got sick within the first week) and I can’t even begin to explain everything that I am feeling.

It’s like right now. I’m curled up in a corner of the Underground Coffeehouse, drinking a mocha, slowly dying inside because I can’t connect to the internet. Yes, this post is a Word baby. I’m just bad with technology, and leaving my room to do homework that’s so based off the internet is such a pain. Yay college!

Advice for anyone going into college next year: 

It’s hard, but you need to sleep, and eat well. I know of so many people who are various forms of sick right now. The temptation to do both of these things is so great. Like, the sheer amount of sandwiches I have consumed should be banned. But it’s got hummus and extra lettuce on it and it’s on wheat bread. So I don’t feel terrible with that. Also: DRINK WATER. The water in my dorm room grows things, and it’s terrifying, and gross, and it makes me so sad, and I have just ended up filling my water bottle up in the dining hall for drinking water accessibility. Which is sad.

So, this last weekend was my first real weekend on campus. The amount of give up that you get at the end of classes is the greatest. There was a group of students that surrounded this section of sidewalk and cheered “It’s Friday!” every time someone walked by. It just got increasing louder, and they started cheering for buses and it just made me love college.

And my room is always full of people, our decorations lean on side of ridiculous and half the time I can hardly keep up.

Uhm. What else? I miss my family. A lot. And Theo. Like, there isn’t much I wouldn’t do to be with my family and cats. That’s the most difficult part about college. You are thrust into adulthood so quickly, and it’s hard to totally wrap your head around that. I’ve already mailed out two letters to my family. I’m the most accomplished kid ever.

Also, you know how I was so totally pumped to take “Intro to Word Religions?” That class is going to slowly kill me. The professor doesn’t make eye contact, and he laughs at his own jokes, and I just can’t win. But I got to meet two of my future professors today, so that was kind of fun.

College is good. Things are crazy, people are manic, and there are things that I just will never understand. But that’s okay. Because you learn from every moment.  

Shout out to Kurtis who just saved my internet, and then hung out with me. Such a pick me up J

Not a shout out to the people screaming all over creation outside the door. 

See everything is hunky dory. :)

Chain Game

So I made this list of "Western Wisdoms", wrote them on colorful paper, and made them a countdown chain. I have taped all of them on my wall, and plan on leaving them there. So, I thought I would but them on here so everyone else could enjoy what I've been using as my countdown.

Try new things
Be confident
Hard? Yes. Can you do it? Duh.
Laugh! Giggle! Chortle!
Dub Dub You!
Don't kid yourself in computers
Be A-DORK-able
Don't forget to text mom
Be Free
Red Square found friendships
Maroon 5 forever
Boys will be boys, always be you.
Love and be loved
Dance in the Rain
PicturesPicturesPictures
Be creative in storage
Skype the non-vikings
Take chances
Don't forget to sleep
2 AM convos are always good
Yoga, Zumba, Everything Good
Cuddle Puddles
Downtown, Bellingham
Pizza at 11:30? Yes.
Real life tinychat
Blanket Forts
Art Major
Beta has wonderful people in it.
Glee Club. Nuff said
Stranded? Call the Men :)
Roomie bonding time = MUST
Soul Sisters Forever.
Resist urge to purchase lots of coffee
Have you packed everything?
BREATHE.

Due to my henna, I feel like a vanilla cupcake with chocolate sprinkles.

WEEEEEE. Emotionally taxing week. I leave in FIVE DAYS. 

It's the most surreal feeling when your days in a place you've known for eighteen years are numbered. Whoa, the amount of tears I've cried in random spots, over random things is quite incredible. It's bizarre how change affects people.

So you take things little by little. And you stay up too late, and you get henna, and you dance in the sunshine, and dream of eternal cuddles. I just don't know what to do with myself. Packing is so hard. I need someone to sit in my room and point at things and just yell "Pack this! Throw this away! Why are you sitting! No fetal position for you! Breathe!" 

The man who created 'Cupid Shuffle' is on 'The Voice', huh. You'd think the serious success of that song would be epic. I'd be so happy with it. 

Oh! I got a.... TUMBLR. 

And I have no idea how it works, or what I'm doing. 

But, if you want to see the stuff that I'm 'reblogging' go... 

HERE: Love, The Hopeless Romantic

It'll be really exciting. Shout out the the lovely boy who set it up for me and is dealing with the relentless questions of not understand the site. I'm so used to this solid piece of blog. GO BLOGGER. 

Have a lovely week! I'm blogging wednesday on my countdown chain, because there is a wonderful girl who wants to see all the chains, and I've been failing her on an epic level. 

I LOVE YOU. 

Also: 

These are from my family photoshoot. Basically, I'm a mess. 

On the internet. Now I can't be haunted by how awkward I can make my ace look ;)

I go blonde, and things get better.

There are weeks that don't go your way. There are nights where late night phone calls are a must. But we pull through. Things don't look so hazy, and suddenly you come out from the foam and feel like freaking APHRODITE. 

There are weeks that remind you that better things are on the horizon. Like... College. And friends that won't have to exist on printed words on a telephone screen. Things to remind you that it's a bad day, not a bad life. It's a good mantra to have. Bad day, not bad life.

Because there are so many beautiful things to just live for. 

This week, while I hit a low, I also hit a high. I did some break through thinking. Found the flaws in my vision and corrected the sight. I've also talked to more people that I think I have ever talked to. I gots my hurr did. I forget the floaty feeling that a change gives me. But on top of the floaty feeling, I get a little more confident. I little more set and secure. I had the girls night to top all girls night. We ate food while people did karaoke around us. I'm more the proud to say that, while I didn't sing this time, next time I will find a song, and a duet partner and we're singing. And we'll be applauded and I may dance a little bit. 

I've been keeping a countdown chain for college, and it now dangles freely, with no fear of my cat attacking it. 

Single digits. 

While my stomach may reel a smidge at that; I am happy.

This week may have started with a cannon shot from hurt, but I was shot into the stars. I love when weeks tie down with happiness. It's fantastic. 

Stay silly. Stay happy. Look to the future. Life moves forward, so why look back? 

"Imma let you finish...."

I have been on semi-bed rest for the last two days. In turn, I have watched WAY too much television and scoured over stumbleupon for more hours than I'd like to admit. I'm finally feeling better, and the VMA's come on. Thanks life.

Originally, I wanted to make it this huge fitness blog where I go from my happy weight of one forty to a one twenty range. On top of that I'd talk about my art and the little things in life. But really, this is my blog about finding myself, and I love that college starts in two weeks, and this blog is so young.

It just makes sense.

Now don't get me wrong - I would love to lose the twenty pounds. But I'd rather not make an entire blog around exercise when I'm not all that passionate about it. I LOVE Zumba, and I spend a lot of extra time creating choreography for zumba numbers. I've taking a slight interest in running, and I'm hoping to expand on that up at Western.

Anywho, point of this post.

I have the tendency to over think, and then put myself in panic mode. Which isn't a quality to treasure forever, put it on a silver platter, but it's livable. That's something beautiful about being human. Living isn't always easy, but it's worth it. It really is.

So I've composed a list of things that make me smile without a doubt.

Seriously, do me a favor and check all these out when you're not feeling up to par. :]

Arctic Turn Clip (From Who's Line)  
The Bad Lip Reading of Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, or Hermain Cain
Par core clip (From The Office)
Naked Man (How I Met Your Mother)
Puppy/Cat/Babies pictures
Darren Criss Video from Tyler Oakley
Basically anything Michael Buckley

Please, please, please have a happy friday! I know I'll be struggling to find something to do in the evening while I'll my lovelies go to a football game and then a mixer. I die inside, I want to go so badly.

Also, BIG SIDE NOTE :

For the first time in what feels like ... a zillion years ... and two CD's ago, Katy Perry looks STUNNING. I can't even put into words how pretty I think she looks at the VMAs. You go, Katy :)

Hooray weekend!

"I wanted to look naked, with some lace on my bits" - Ke$ha

What's your Midas ability? I kill technology.

Thank goodness for the twenty first century!

Technology, despite how dependent society has become on it, truly is a blessing. I'm being reminded of this fact everyday when I log on to good ol' super computer and pull up facebook. More than likely I have my phone next to me and I'm having random conversations with friends from all over the state.

I think what I love about it is all the friends that I wouldn't have made without technology. That's the beauty of say... college! I have this friend that I have never ever ever met in person, and while we both would love to change that, who says that really going to happen when we live six hours apart. Hooray for texting! This age's technology really allows friendships to be created, and when moving forward is such an important piece of my life right now, I couldn't be more thankful.

Plus, it's helping me stay in touch with those goodbye-ers. And as much as I love writing, sending and receiving letters - I would die if that was the only means on communication available. I love sending small messages of hope, thoughts and love to people over text. Sometimes accompanied with a picture of puppies, or kittens, or ducklings, or babies. :) Letters would make that process a monster.

Mostly, I am just thankful that the ability is out there. I get to go to a school, and still see my family.... via video chat. I can call them at any point. I have the ability to never seriously lose touch with anyone. Something like that just blows my mind. What a world we live in.

Disclaimer: I'm also horrid with understanding technology. So, if things could just stay how they are now, that'd be awesome. Like my student email. I have no idea why it is so frozen. My whole world is thrown because of that. Seriously, I need a geek squad with me at all times. I am the Midas of killing technology. Anyone who has attempted to tinychat with me will understand this.

Good news is I have lots of friends who love me no matter how great my ability with technology is. And if anything I will stand in awe as it takes two clicks to save my computer. Coffee for them!

And this is mostly because I have yet to look at this and not smile. Food humor <3

Somewhere Only We Know

In two days, basically one since there is forty five minutes left on the clock for today, is September first. From that point I have a total of twenty two, read that again, twenty two, days left. Over the last two weeks I have said so many goodbyes to people of all sorts of attachment. And you know what, it's getting easier.

It'll never be a breeze, but it's definitely becoming more of a wish of luck for the future and a fingers crossed you'll keep in touch, rather than the tears fiasco that I have perfected. I love the fact that I can give the hugs, wish the luck, and let them go. Beautiful things can happen in the space between, and the reunions are that much sweeter.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love reunions? I love the hugs that never seem to end, and that elation that is just ... right. I think the reminder that I will now get to have all those reunions is making the goodbyes that much better. Like seeing my best friend this Christmas? It's going to be filled with sassy comments, hugs and smiles.

And you know whats extra great? The vikings that I will become and have become friends with are going to be the reunions in January. Reunions all around.It makes me happy.

As for now? I'm just trying to keep myself looking forward, because the more I look back, the more I see reason to procrastinate, and no one needs that, hm?

Have a lovely week, and a shout out to those starting the school this week! I'm insanely jealous.

In which I try to find myself, and run into religion.

This has been SUCH a crazy week. 

I had an emotional let through, and I cried a lot. Which helped lead to staying up and listening to the storms. Storms do crazy things for calming the nerves. I got the opportunity to sort through some thoughts, and while that was an intensive blessing, it's also acted as a curse. I've been peeling through a lot of my past and a lot of who I am. 

It's really not an easy task. 

I've been overly raw, and I'm sure it's causing friction. 

I met with the missionaries twice this week. Also an overwhelming experience. 

I love how open they are about what they believe. I don't like how every time they address me it's my name, then what they wished to say. But that must be in the expected rules. I'm just not used to hearing my full name over and over and over and over again. 

It's enlightening. Meeting with people who have so much belief in their religion and so much faith in you. That's one MAJOR plus for me. The amount of support that I have received for even wanting to tackle this ... uh ... project is incredibly fantastic. While I am not the most religious, I do know that my  friends and family are blessings in my life, and without them to be there for the smiles and the tears, this would have all ended on Tuesday night. 

So, if you ever need support in finding yourself, and you need a buddy to go through with you? 

I'm here for you. I know how you're feeling.

Dearest ... Man Up There.

I don't know what I'm doing. 

I don't know where to look.

I don't even know what I need.

I am slipping through this very quickly, and everything goes by in a blur.

Every time I try and feel something I just feel my stomach tie itself into knots,

And I wring my hands together,

And I feel like crying. 

I'm so lost and so confused and I don't understand your signs.

This is my very public prayer. 

But maybe this will help.

Because I'm searching without a map.

I'd appreciate the help.

Always.

The Girl Down Here

It's been a long time, no?

So, it's been a while. A lot has happened.

For one, I graduated. It's a blur. My advice would be: try and hold onto those moments as you cross the stage. One moment you're worried about tripping, and the next you've hip checked a chair, and the friend that went before you is dying of laughter. Awesome. I talked about graduation on my other blog. So I'm going to skip leaving a huge, rambling lecture about graduation. It was fun though.

Let's see. I also feel like I haven't appreciated the sun yet this summer. But I'm curing that tomorrow. HOORAY DAYS OFF. I don't tan, but it would be nice to stop reflecting light and blinding other people. :)

I got a job! I nanny. The girl I nanny is going to be a sixth grader. It's a wonderful experience to watch her ask questions about the next level that she's stepping into. I like the fact that we're both stepping up at the same time. She's a lovely girl, and has so much energy. I am wiped out clean when I come home. Welcome to the good ol' 9-5.

Seriously though. I work nine - five. :) It's quality stuff. I've also watched more episodes of "Baby Story" than I'd like to admit. I think it should become part of the sexual education program at the high school. It's making me not want to be pregnant. Ouch. The babies are cute though. I think the grandmothers have the best part on those shows. Cute child, no pain. The fathers always look helpless, and are all pretty awkward. It's the doctors that add humor. There was one that was half singing to the woman mid-birth. The girl I nanny just looked at me and called the doctor a nutcase.

I visited Wisconsin not even a week ago. My family is wonderful, and it really is bittersweet crawling back into the car to come home. The night before coming home isn't bittersweet. It's just bitter, and we're all ready to come home. I saw a lot of farmland, slept through Wyoming going east, and laughed my heart out. My grandma and I sang jazz together; I sang a lot of everything else on my own. I slept a lot. I choreographed a zumba number that is actually pretty decent. And it's too Maroon 5. How can you not feel great when Adam Levine is crooning about how sexy you are in the background?

Yes, I zumba'd in regular shorts. Ahaha, it was fun times. 

Here's a few more pictures of my adventure to Wisconsin and back!

On the way there. I didn't look like this on the way back. Humidity kills this kid.

Grandma, the woman with the best comeback lines. 

We be dorks. 

No name. That's the cats name. We we're friends.

Badlands, SD. <3

Awkward is what we go for. 

Awesome. 

One of the boys closest in my heart left Wednesday morning for the el-mission. I miss him. He's off to do brilliant things, but I'm selfish and I want the ability to talk to him all the time. He's a wonderful guy.  Two years really isn't that long. He'll be home in no time. 

Last piece of news? 

I will have blonde in my hair after monday. I am going ombre. And I couldn't be more excited. I ay have a problem with how often I change my hair, but at this rate, I can't say that I care all that much. I LOVELOVELOVE my hairdresser. She's like a sister; we're so similar. 

Life is crazy, but I'm so thankful that I've been able to handle it with a sort of grace. 

Happy FRIDAY. 

:)

This is what I'm loosely aiming for. Just shorter.

With love,
Jess

Wildflower

Hello again! So much for updating every night, eh? I got caught up in AP testing and prom, so, I apologize for that. Not much to say about either of those topics. The government test kicked my tush, but I think I kicked the language test's tush. So, take one, give one?

I had a Wendy's cram sesh the night before the gov test with a couple of lovely people. Learned that I study better in groups - be ready Western! I will be on the look out for a study buddy. I like little explanation terms, and funny connections to the outside world? Think you can handle that? Let me know.

Prom was thrilling, I think that dinner was one of the best parts. The group I went with was lovely, and I thoroughly enjoyed the dining experience and all the giggles that occurred during that period.

Tonight though, I painted. Which is monumental simply in the fact that I don't paint.It's one of my weaker skills in art. Hand me ink or a drawing pencil and I will be in heaven for hours, but paint is typically a nightmare. Tonight is wasn't, and armed with laughter, and my family, and completed my first piece since the slight hiatus that I have taken all semester long. Now that the warm weather is out, and school is ending, my creative juices are simply screaming for release and well, you get pleasant evenings like this one.

True it's a fairly simplistic drawing, but I love it all the same. It's a good representation of my life, and the limitlessness of my future. I am young, and life is so big, and so great. The vastness ahead makes me nervous, but excited all at the same time.

Happiness all the way.

Oh hey.

Hello! I am Jess, and this blog is to follow me through the journey of happiness. I graduate within a month (to be exact) and after that it's the great big, wide world ahead. I couldn't be more thrilled to start truly finding myself.

I recently have gotten into Zumba, and it's some of the high lights of my week. A lot of this blog will be my way to becoming a happier, healthier person and there is a great chance that you'll be seeing MANY posts about Zumba on here. I am now armed with a gym membership, and I am just so pleased. In my perfect world I will be going to the gym quite a bit.

So here we are. I'm off to start a journey that I couldn't be more ready for. I do have another blog that I may reference, but that one tends to be more random and every so often. Here, I want to have written a success story. I will have written a success story.

Welcome the the start of something new. Welcome and thank you for the support. It's because of people like you that success can happen.

Happy Wednesday!