In which I try to find myself, and run into religion.

This has been SUCH a crazy week. 

I had an emotional let through, and I cried a lot. Which helped lead to staying up and listening to the storms. Storms do crazy things for calming the nerves. I got the opportunity to sort through some thoughts, and while that was an intensive blessing, it's also acted as a curse. I've been peeling through a lot of my past and a lot of who I am. 

It's really not an easy task. 

I've been overly raw, and I'm sure it's causing friction. 

I met with the missionaries twice this week. Also an overwhelming experience. 

I love how open they are about what they believe. I don't like how every time they address me it's my name, then what they wished to say. But that must be in the expected rules. I'm just not used to hearing my full name over and over and over and over again. 

It's enlightening. Meeting with people who have so much belief in their religion and so much faith in you. That's one MAJOR plus for me. The amount of support that I have received for even wanting to tackle this ... uh ... project is incredibly fantastic. While I am not the most religious, I do know that my  friends and family are blessings in my life, and without them to be there for the smiles and the tears, this would have all ended on Tuesday night. 

So, if you ever need support in finding yourself, and you need a buddy to go through with you? 

I'm here for you. I know how you're feeling.

Dearest ... Man Up There.

I don't know what I'm doing. 

I don't know where to look.

I don't even know what I need.

I am slipping through this very quickly, and everything goes by in a blur.

Every time I try and feel something I just feel my stomach tie itself into knots,

And I wring my hands together,

And I feel like crying. 

I'm so lost and so confused and I don't understand your signs.

This is my very public prayer. 

But maybe this will help.

Because I'm searching without a map.

I'd appreciate the help.

Always.

The Girl Down Here

It's been a long time, no?

So, it's been a while. A lot has happened.

For one, I graduated. It's a blur. My advice would be: try and hold onto those moments as you cross the stage. One moment you're worried about tripping, and the next you've hip checked a chair, and the friend that went before you is dying of laughter. Awesome. I talked about graduation on my other blog. So I'm going to skip leaving a huge, rambling lecture about graduation. It was fun though.

Let's see. I also feel like I haven't appreciated the sun yet this summer. But I'm curing that tomorrow. HOORAY DAYS OFF. I don't tan, but it would be nice to stop reflecting light and blinding other people. :)

I got a job! I nanny. The girl I nanny is going to be a sixth grader. It's a wonderful experience to watch her ask questions about the next level that she's stepping into. I like the fact that we're both stepping up at the same time. She's a lovely girl, and has so much energy. I am wiped out clean when I come home. Welcome to the good ol' 9-5.

Seriously though. I work nine - five. :) It's quality stuff. I've also watched more episodes of "Baby Story" than I'd like to admit. I think it should become part of the sexual education program at the high school. It's making me not want to be pregnant. Ouch. The babies are cute though. I think the grandmothers have the best part on those shows. Cute child, no pain. The fathers always look helpless, and are all pretty awkward. It's the doctors that add humor. There was one that was half singing to the woman mid-birth. The girl I nanny just looked at me and called the doctor a nutcase.

I visited Wisconsin not even a week ago. My family is wonderful, and it really is bittersweet crawling back into the car to come home. The night before coming home isn't bittersweet. It's just bitter, and we're all ready to come home. I saw a lot of farmland, slept through Wyoming going east, and laughed my heart out. My grandma and I sang jazz together; I sang a lot of everything else on my own. I slept a lot. I choreographed a zumba number that is actually pretty decent. And it's too Maroon 5. How can you not feel great when Adam Levine is crooning about how sexy you are in the background?

Yes, I zumba'd in regular shorts. Ahaha, it was fun times. 

Here's a few more pictures of my adventure to Wisconsin and back!

On the way there. I didn't look like this on the way back. Humidity kills this kid.

Grandma, the woman with the best comeback lines. 

We be dorks. 

No name. That's the cats name. We we're friends.

Badlands, SD. <3

Awkward is what we go for. 

Awesome. 

One of the boys closest in my heart left Wednesday morning for the el-mission. I miss him. He's off to do brilliant things, but I'm selfish and I want the ability to talk to him all the time. He's a wonderful guy.  Two years really isn't that long. He'll be home in no time. 

Last piece of news? 

I will have blonde in my hair after monday. I am going ombre. And I couldn't be more excited. I ay have a problem with how often I change my hair, but at this rate, I can't say that I care all that much. I LOVELOVELOVE my hairdresser. She's like a sister; we're so similar. 

Life is crazy, but I'm so thankful that I've been able to handle it with a sort of grace. 

Happy FRIDAY. 

:)

This is what I'm loosely aiming for. Just shorter.

With love,
Jess